The Ragnarok Cycle
by goetterdamerung
Summary: Jack and Ianto have a strange relationship, neither quite trusting the other. Embarking on a BDSM relationship is only the beginning of the drama. What happenes when Ianto's past catches up with his present... and can Jack hold it together?


**AN: Warnings: BDSM, Mentions of Incestual Rape (Non graphic), Psychological Drama and Oy Veh is There Angst**

**Strong M/M sex, graphic depictions of BDSM lifestyle.**

**Don't Like... Don't Read!**

**Caveat Lector**

* * *

Chapter 1

He stands there in front of the coffee machine, intent and focused as if the fate of the world depended on getting the coffee grounds just so or the water just below boiling. The perfect cup, he does it every time.

I can see his hands caress the percolator, long graceful fingers deftly stroking down the machine and back up again. His eyes are closed as if he is in another world, his movements the only thing grounding him here with me… I mean us.

I never realised what a sensual creature Ianto was, every movement so fluid and erotic, a light touch here, a sharp twist there. All unconsciously performed in front of a very appreciative audience, me.

His fingers are combing through the coffee beans as if they were grains of sand, those sensitive fingers selecting only the most premium beans to use. Carding the beans through his fingers into the grinder he opens his eyes and shifts his weight to the balls of his feet. Oh Christ, he's leaning forward to inhale the aroma of the beans, his tight arse framed by those pin stripe suit pants.

I never knew the art of coffee making was this erotic, the groan emerging from within the deep recesses of his soul resonates within me. I can feel, smell and experience everything he does, but only vicariously. I need to know first hand. I need him to touch me the same way he does the percolator, inhale my scent and groan in sheer lust.

Oh fuck, he's licking his lips in anticipation, that has just got me ready in anticipation for the hand job I'll be giving myself in about 5 minutes time. It is nothing new, Ianto has always managed to get me ready, willing and able, albeit only with myself as the starring lead.

Christ, I am so hard it is hurting me, I have go while I still can walk. I give the throbbing a gentle squeeze and can't escape the gasp it wrenches out of me. Fuck, I hope he didn't hear that. Time to disappear before he knows I'm here.

As I turn around to escape I feel his footsteps approach, too stunned to move I turn to face him. Holy fucking mother of god, he is stalking me like a predator, his eyes fully dilated, nostrils flared. His breathing is abnormally deep and ragged and in his hand is the container of coffee beans.

I back slowly away from him, he definitely has an air of incoming fire about him and I am ground zero.

"Don't you want your coffee Jack" he murmurs with a voice roughened by want. "I'll make a special one for you seeing as you seem to like coffee so much."

I amaze myself by barely managing a stutter, too entranced by sheer magnetism he exudes. He is like a walking invitation to sin, a living breathing pheromone. Christ what he does to me.

"Come now Jack, no need to be shy, I know you watch me, whenever I make the coffee, there you are, watching, waiting." He purrs.

"I know you want, you want badly, well guess what? I'm sick of waiting for you to do something about it. I have decided to take what I want and damn the consequences for once."

In a real predator that last line would be delivered not unlike the snarl before the kill.

It is like watching a hypnotist, I am mesmerised by him, frozen to the spot and unwilling to move regardless.

One hand tangles itself in my hair as he pulls me towards him, his tongue flickering out to moisten his lips. All I can see are those lips as I bite mine in response.

"Now" is the exhaled statement as he pushes me further past the door of my office until I collide with my desk.

"Perfect, just perfect" His grin is feral as he steps away from the front of me and with one sweep of his arm, clears the desk of everything on it. His hand back in my hair he yanks me over to him, the pain brings me back to myself somewhat, but nowhere near enough to even contemplate stopping him.

His hands softly caress my face and slowly move down to my shirt. They stop there for a moment, sensing, feeling, when suddenly both hands take a grip of each shirt front and tears them apart leaving me exposed to all and sundry.

My nipples are already hard nubs, but I can't help but moan at the pain/pleasure as he pulls and tweaks then into solid peaks. His face is almost cruel as he exalts over me. His hands move slowly lower, down my stomach, along my sides.

Everywhere he touches is like molten metal, wounding me, healing me. His hands are at my belt now, tugging on it to free the clasp. As his hands work on the belt and trousers his lips have taken the place of his fingers on my chest, his tongue flickering everywhere as if he were scenting me like a snake.

Finally my belt and trousers are free and down. Christ thank god for going commando. Being locked into those pants was nothing short of torture.

"Where's the rope Jack?" he growls at me, making me harder and hornier than I have been for at least the past ten years. Somehow I manage to get out that it is in the desk drawer, second one down.

"Lay down on the desk Jack… spread-eagled" I shudder at the command and basically have to tell myself to start breathing again. I don't know where Ianto learnt to Dom, but fuck me, he certainly knows how to.

"Don't just stand there Jack, I told you to lie down on the desk spread-eagled." His voice is gravel edged with a hint of irritation to it. It is a damn heady mixture, though I could come just from his voice alone.

I don't think I have ever obeyed a command so quickly in my life. As I lay down I feel one wrist being looped with the rope and tightened off, not too tight, but tight enough so I couldn't escape, even if I wanted to.

I hear the rope get thrown under the desk and feel Ianto leave my left side as he made his way to my right side. Picking up the rope, Ianto again loops it around my other wrist and ties it off the same way as the first.

He then does the same with my feet so I am completely at his mercy, unable to get up, but there is enough play in the ropes so I can squirm. Hmmmm, I think that is the idea.

"Back in a second Jack, I need to grab something" Now I am nervous, what if he left me here to be found by Tosh or Gwen or even worse, Owen. The thought of that wilts my cock enough to feel at least somewhat in control of my own body again.

Ianto re-enters the office, shaking something in his hand as he walks.

"I'm going to show exactly how much I like coffee Jack, especially when I get to have it off of you."

He must have opened the canister as the pungent aroma of coffee beans assail my nostrils, but mixed in with the scent is a sweet chocolate smell as well.

"But first we have to make sure the serving platter is clean Jack."

My god, that tongue of his should be registered as a lethal weapon, long slow licks up my chest with the occasional sharp bite on my nipples has me back hard and raring to go yet again. His hands are in constant motion, at one point gently caressing, the next hard and rough, nearly ripping out the hairs on my legs.

Fuck this is good, I'm moaning out loud now, incoherent gasps and raw pants telling him he is doing a good job, when suddenly it all stops. No touch, not a whisper of movement.

I start to plead with him for more, touch me please, just a little, please… please. I am begging before to long, I have no pride left, he has stripped me of that and yet he has barely touched me.

All of a sudden I feel a slight coolness on my skin in different places, not much, just enough sensation to know something has been placed on my stomach and crotch.

I jump as I feel his lips upon me once and a startled yelp escapes me. His lips are pushing something around whilst sucking on it at the same time. I hear a crunch and the bitter aroma of coffee beans assault my senses. His tongue is gone again, only to have it plunged into my own mouth, the bitter taste of coffee, the sweetness of the chocolate and the essence of Ianto

His tongue delves deeply into my mouth, duelling with my own tongue I try to suck all the taste from his mouth, but before I can do that his mouth is back lower down on me.

Oh god, he is nibbling the crease of my hip and crotch, laving the area with his tongue, pushing a coffee bean around as the chocolate melts against my skin. I feel him crunch another bean and open my mouth in anticipation, but his tongue doesn't come for my mouth.

His tongue has a different itinerary in mind. I can feel his tongue lapping my balls, making them tighten up ready to go, but he moves lower still, spreading my legs as far as they can go whilst being tied to the desk like they are.

Holy Fuck, BINGO, fuck me, he just took one swipe of my ass and I turn into a seasoned slut, begging for more, if it wasn't true, I'd be embarrassed, but still…

He is crunching coffee beans again and lapping just around my hole, I'm begging him here to just do me. He finally takes pity on me and spears my arse with one thrust of his tongue, rimming me deep and hard.

I can't take this much more, he'll make me blow before he has even touched my cock. It's driving me out of my fucking mind.

Ianto Jones is currently fucking my arse with his tongue and I am about to blow from it all. He keeps up with the flickering tongue slowly driving me insane, when I feel something harder demands entrance. Oh god, he is fingering me now, I don't know how much I can take anymore.

The gasps and grunts that issue from my mouth must have sounded like a bad porn soundtrack as he decided then and there to shut me up, the tried and true method that is.

Turning around 180 degrees he pulls my body up so my head hangs over the edge of the desk, level with his cock, fuck I need to taste his cock. I start to moan, but he teases me with it, just barely letting me have a taste before pulling away from me.

"Are you sure you want it Jack?" he asks as he slaps his cock against my face. "Do you?"

I am beyond speech, Ianto is thrusting two fingers into my hole, each time they get fully in he twists them and strokes my prostate. My cock is already leaking so much it looks like I have already come. I simply nod and hopes he gets the message.

Fuck, he got the message, no finesse, no warning, he just plunged his cock straight into my throat, fuck even I have to gag at this. He is so far down my throat that he is tapping at my voice box. Just when I feel I can handle anymore and desperately need to breathe, he pulls back enough for me to gasp out a few breaths.

He sets up a good rhythm slowly piston fucking my throat as he spears my arse with his fingers, I can't hold out much longer, just can't I'm about to blow and he hasn't even touched my cock.

Fuck, seems like I'm not the only one who needs to come, with one sharp thrust Ianto plunges deep down my throat and it feels like his cock expands to twice its normal size. I can't fucking breathe and I don't care. He pulls back so I can suck and taste him at the same time.

The shudders that go through him are incredible, but nothing compared to what he does to me. He inserts another finger deep inside my arse and constantly applies pressure to my prostate. I can't handle it any more. I start to buck from the stimulation, but can't get enough leverage seeing as I am tied to the fucking table, when it hits me.

A hoarse scream is rent from my throat as my body goes into convulsions. I must look like a fucking circus seal, but I can't help it. I continue to cry out incoherently as I start to come down from that incredible fucking orgasm.

Feeling his weight move off of me and over towards my arms, I heave a sigh of relief as I feel first one arm then the other freed from it's bonds. Seconds later my legs are free, but I don't have the strength to stand. To put it rather crudely, I've been fucked into complete submission and I wouldn't have it any other way.

As he gets ready to leave the office, I look over at him, skin flushed, clothes a wreck and can't help the grin that forms on my face.

The little shit just looks over and says "I don't know what you are smiling about yet Jack, I haven't even started with the Hot Chocolate Sauce and the Ice Cream yet."

* * *

Chapter 2

It is hard to believe that only last night Ianto was doing things to me that I have only allowed about four hundred and eighty five… no eighty six people, to do to me. Now this morning he's all 'Yes sir', 'No sir', 'three bags full sir'. I can't work him out, how does he switch off and on like that? Bloody smarmy git.

It is bad enough having to watch the Owen and Gwen love in, but to sit here, tenderly I might add, and put up with this complete indifference from 'Yraen Ianto', fuck this for a game of soldiers, I am not taking this lying down… so to speak.

Fuck it, if he wants to play the Ice Prince then screw him.

"Bored here, yoo hoo I said BORED HERE."

Ah, that got a response, at least now they are paying attention to something other than that porn site Owen has ever so discretely up on his monitor.

"Hey Tosh, Gwen, question for you." I throw out into the ethers.

"Spit or Swallow?"

I smile to myself, you can hear a pin drop, not too mention their jaws collectively hitting the floor as well.

"Well, it depends on if you are in a relationship or not."

THIS… coming from 'Good Time Gwen'?

I let my face show what I think of that answer. "Funny, that's not what Rhys said… or was that Owen, can't keep track."

Owen's snort is proof enough, methinks the girl protest too much.

"I couldn't honestly say Jack, I've never spent that much time doing… umm… ahhh."

Poor Tosh, looks like I'll have to give her a little bit of encouragement and I'll give her credit, she's really trying to fit in lately.

"You don't spend much time doing what Tosh" the words roll from my tongue like honey, smooth, rich and supportive.

"Ahhh… fellatio Jack"

My god she actually said it, well whispered it any case.

"I thought you would have been better at carpet munching, oops sorry, cunnilingus."

'Good one Owen' I think privately, but still, I'm the only one here allowed to take the cheap shots.

"Owen, shut it." I snarl out

"Don't listen to him Tosh, he's just shitty as Gwen turned him down in favour of a little Rhys time."

Ohh yeah, that one struck home, if looks could kill I'd be laying next to Suzie.

"Well then Jack. What about you, Spit or Swallow?"

I chuckle, trust Gwen to come out of her corner fighting.

"Actually Gwen, neither, I prefer to gargle, much more impressive."

"Funny that Sir, I thought it sounded more like choking, last time I heard" I hear sotto voce behind me. Fuck he moves quietly. I didn't even hear him approach.

"Was there anything I could get you Sir?" Those dulcet Welsh tones just do something for me, I swear.

"Perhaps a coffee or maybe you would like something sweet to eat." He voice drops down an octave and husks out "Or maybe a chance to prove you can gargle, I must have got it wrong last time, hard to tell when you have your cock balls deep down your bosses throat."

And there we are ladies and gentlemen, switches from off to 'gonna screw you stupid and make you bark like a dog' on.

Fuck, from tea boy to Tom of Finland in one sentence, no wonder my cock is now giving him a 21 gun salute.

I turn around and catch him discretely caressing his crotch in front of my face.

"Sorry Sir, was that a coffee, or something to eat?"

I could kill him, I really could.

"Actually Ianto, I'm not feeling the best, I may lie down for a while, maybe take a cool shower, feeling a little hot here." I manage to garble out, somewhat coherently.

"That may be a good idea Sir, if you like, I can bring you in a cup of tea, always good for a fever I'm told."

"I can get it for him if you like Ianto." Tosh replies getting out of her chair.

"SIT!" it is out of Ianto's mouth quicker than he could think about it.

I think he managed to surprise himself then.

"I apologise Tosh, I am concerned, Jack does not normally get sick and I can see you are busy. I'll get it, but thank you for the offer."

The look on Tosh's face shows she is not happy about it, but more concerned as Ianto never loses it like that.

Looking around, Gwen and Owen have identical looks on their faces, disbelieving shading towards some form of understanding, time to get out of here.

I wrap my coat a little tighter around me, I had managed to get my prick somewhat under control until his big butch daddy impersonation. Fuck it is almost Pavlovian, Ianto goes butch and I end up with a hard on you could run a flag up.

"Go have your shower Sir, I'll be down with something I am sure will help."

And with that enigmatic remark, Ianto heads out into the kitchen area.

'Ok, Jack, you've been told.' See, I have learnt to be able to translate some Welsh, or was that a Welshman, anyway, I think I'm going to get some.

I head down to my living quarters with more speed than dignity, I enter the bathroom and strip off. Turning around I see a note lying on the vanity.

"Sir, please ensure you have removed all of your clothes and placed them folded neatly under the vanity. After you have completed this task you will find the necessary items to prepare yourself for me. You will use the personal lubricant liberally on both yourself and the anal plug next to it. You are then to insert the plug carefully for I do not wish you to injure yourself. On the shelf under the lubricant and anal plug, you will find a set of police issue handcuffs. You are to use the cuffs on yourself, with your arms cuffed together at your front and you are to enter the shower, face the shower entrance and kneel down in the 'present' position with you arms outstretched in front of you. You have 10 minutes from when you left the conference room."

I stare at the note for a good 30 seconds unsure if it was a joke. I fold my clothes and place them in the vanity. Sure enough on the second shelf of the vanity sits lube and a big mother fucking butt plug.

Oh fuck me, my arse still tingles from last night. It doesn't seem to matter to my cock; it's still hard as a rock and getting harder.

Looking at the lube I'm surprised, 'J-Lube' is not for beginners although it will make getting that butt plug in easier.

Squeezing some lube onto my hand I start to open myself up. Slowly sliding one finger into my hole, then another and slowly scissoring them to stretch my hole.

Fuck that feels good, I angle my fingers to hit my prostate as I start to ride my own fingers. Inserting a third finger takes a little more effort as I open my hole wider. My fucking cock is definitely in on this as I start to dribble pre come down my cock.

Looking at the plug I see it is wider than three fingers, probably about four and a bit wide. Fuck this is going to take some doing. With my free hand I squeeze more lube onto the fingers I am fucking myself with and slowly bring my thumb up to meet the other three fingers. Slowly spreading my fingers apart I feel that delicious burn start as I over stretch my arse. Moving my hips I start to screw myself again, getting deeper and deeper each time until I finally get my pinkie in on the actions as well.

Fuck me dead, I've got five fingers up my arse and I want more. Reaching for the lube again I coat the plug liberally and remove my fingers. I can feel my arse twitch, feeling empty. I bring the plug to underneath my hole and slowly descend onto it.

The burn almost kills me as the first inch breaches me. Breathing deep I try to relax and gain control of my arse muscles. A few deep breaths and I am ready to bear down again. Letting my body weight do the work I gasp as I feel the plug enter deeper inside me. Fuck this feels good, I trail one hand up my chest and start playing with my nipples, tweaking and pulling them until they are tight nubs. All the while I am rocking on the plug, urging it deeper inside me when all of a sudden my arse closes over plug and clenches the shaft of the plug.

I am barely able to breathe properly as I try an experimental roll of the hips. FUCK, rolling my hips like that just forces the plug hard against my prostate.

Trying to remember how long I have been in here and how long I have left is an exercise in futility, I can only hope I can get the cuffs on and into position before Ianto comes in.

Trying to stand shifts the plug yet again inside me causing my cock to lurch and me to gasp out loud. Gingerly reaching down to get the cuffs, I stop to absently note that these are in fact police issue and have to wonder where Ianto got the from.

Placing the cuffs on one wrist I turn around and waddle, 'you try to walk normally with a four inch diameter plug up your arse', over to the shower stall, turn around and very gingerly kneel down. I am just getting the cuff on my other hand as I hear Ianto enter the bathroom. Raising my arms in the 'present' position I drop my head and await my master's pleasure.

I sense Ianto's pleasure in seeing his instructions have been carried out. I hear the sound of him undoing and removing his belt. The clanging noise it makes as he drops it on the tiles, the rustling sound of cotton as he undoes his shirt. Out of my peripheral vision I see his tie drop to floor to join his belt, followed closely by his suit pants and his shirt.

It is getting harder to breathe as the moments drag on, the tiles beneath my knees are beginning to dig in, my arms starting to ache slightly from being held out. Shifting slightly to ease the pressure the plug moves deep within me and I can't help the guttural moan that escapes me.

As quickly as the moan begins to be heard is hand is in my hair, yanking my head back and I get my first view of Ianto since seeing him in the conference room.

His eyes blaze, lips thinned, a cold stare is levelled my way, but it is not that that causes me to break stance.

He is not the most muscular of me, nor the most defined, he has one a leather harness, one of the four strap with the eye ring in the centre of his chest. On his left bicep is a leather band with four studs. Encasing his groin is a simple pair of boxer briefs, tight and clinging to every curve. No, he is no Tom of Finland, but he is a Dom, no ifs, buts or maybes.

Just as well really, most of those over pumped muscle daddies are on their backs that quick when you twist their nipples you get windburn from their legs raising in the air. No, he has it, the look, the demeanour and most importantly, the attitude.

Dropping to the floor, arms' reaching out for him the most natural thing to say is simple.

"Sir."

"You may stand Jack, arms down."

Slowly standing I bite down on the urge to grunt as the plug moves yet again within me. My cock is bobbing in time with my pulse, I have never been this into it before. I have never been prepared to gift submissiveness to another, I'd Dom them, or I'd play boy for them, but never I have I desired someone to own me so completely.

"Raise your arms over your head Jack." His soft voice, so at odds with our positions, tells me. "Raise them right up."

Lifting my arms I see him loosen a rope attached to a pulley with a hook on the end. As he lowers the hook it slides over and catches on the chains of the cuffs.

Alarmed, I look askance at him.

"Trust me Jack, trust me."

Looking into his eyes, I know he would never injure me, he may hurt me a little, but that is the nature of the beast. Nodding to him I use the one word allowed.

"Sir."

I feel my arms pull tighter and tighter as they are raised higher and higher. He doesn't stop, just a slow, steady pull upwards until I am on tip toe and slightly over extended. Tying off the rope he runs his fingers along my chest, a sweat breaking out, raising goose flesh all over me.

He is breathing deeply now, ghosting along the back of my neck, so close. His fingers find their way again to my nipples as he pulls on them, twists them. My cock is so hard I'll blow any second.

"Ah ah ah, nope. You don't blow till I say so." He whispers, accompanied by an evil chuckle as he fastens a leather cock ring around my cock and a separate ball spreader to keep me on the edge.

Fisting my hair once more, he forces his tongue into my mouth, deeper and deeper. He plunders my mouth as his other hand works it's way down to my cock.

Starting at the head he slowly works his hand down my length, just the slightest friction, just enough to torment. He maintains this slow and steady pace as he fucks my mouth with his tongue.

Pulling his head back, he drops his hand from my hair and lowers it to my arse.

Holy fuck, he wants to fuck me with the plug, I can't help the pleading that leave my mouth. Please… now… harder… fuck my hole. I can't take anymore and start to clench my arse, making the plug move hard against my prostate.

"You're a pushy little bitch today, just as well I like seeing you beg and plead."

He grasps the base of the plug and slowly starts to twist it around, every so often changing the angle. By this point I can't control my body's response as a surge starts deep within me and my arse begins to convulse. Holy sweet mother fucking god, I have never had an anal orgasm before.

My arse clenches hard against the plug, fighting it, welcoming it.

Ianto reached behind him and pulls out a thermos.

"Do you remember what I said as I left last night?"

Do I remember he asks, I had to change the sheets this morning thinking of that.

"Nice hot Chocolate Fudge Sauce, and I am going to quite enjoy it as well."

Unsure as to what he means by that, I remain quite until I feel something hot drizzle onto my cock. Christ it burns, but my cock has other ideas as it shudders. Another drizzle lands just above my cock and slowly runs down to my balls.

Placing down the thermos, Ianto drops to his knees and slowly takes the head of my cock into his mouth. Using his tongue to swipe underneath my foreskin I feel his hand grasp the plug again and slowly pull it out till only about an inch remains embedded my hole.

In one quick movement, he plunges the plug back hard into my arse and swallows my cock whole, down tot the root as he deep throats me and fucks me with that plug.

I'm going completely out of my fucking skull here. Fuck, he's changed the angle again, hitting my prostate directly each time now. My legs can't hold me up any more and I'm relying on the rope to hold me upright as Ianto suck and fucks my brains out..

The stretch in my arms is becoming unbearable as well and I start to zone out, can't feeling anything except for my arse and my cock.

Removing his head my from cock he tongues my balls roughly, then sucks each on into his mouth and rolls it around with his tongue against his soft palate.

Pulling back again, he grasps hold of my balls and pulls down hard. Fuck that hurts, Jesus fucking Christ, my head his rolling around and I'm spouting gibberish when suddenly I feel the ball spreaders and cock ring get removed.

He is still pulling down on my balls and somehow I manage to hear him to tell me to blow. Well, fuck I certainly don't need to be told as I feel that familiar rush start at the base of my spine.

With one final, god alfuckingmighty thrust Ianto sinks the plug and four of his fingers up my arse as my cock starts to shoot, I'm going fucking blind, greying out. I feel my arms get released from the hook and I drop, still shooting come everywhere.

I open my eyes and my head is in Ianto's lap, the smell of his come strong on his briefs. Using my tongue I slowly lap as the wet area and get an approving grunt for my efforts before he gently bats my head out of the way.

"Leave it Jack, you need a break, don't forget there is the rest of the chocolate sauce and the ice cream to go."

I don't fucking believe it, my cock, which I swore couldn't get it up again even inside a plaster cats, shows signs of waking up.

I have to admit, McDonalds can't make a fudge sundae like that. And you know what, thank fuck for that.

* * *

Chapter 3: Interlude 1 A

Christ, I can't even stand yet, my legs are still shaking like jelly and my arse… well, let's just say that I will standing up for a couple of days. I really need to get up and have a shower, I reek, not that I mind the smell though musk and sex, a little hint of the leather harness and the dried come all over me. No, on the whole I like it, but seeing as I am supposed to be the Robin Hood to those merry men out there, it really isn't a good idea to go out there reeking as I do. Although, they will be able see I have been royally fucked, kind of obvious really.

Hauling my arse up from the tiles I was so elegantly draped across I reach up and feel a spasm shooting from my arse all the way up my spine and back down to my cock. Damn, I haven't been this post orgasmic ever, really got to get my head back on straight again. First things first, have that shower, then try act as if I haven't been done resoundingly by the tea boy, yeah right, like that's going to happen.

Have to give Ianto credit though, imaginative so of a bitch he is, damn, I really don't need another hard on just yet. Okay, shower.

Hmmm, I think I should go commando here, don't think I'd be able to handle regular underwear for a little while. Looking up at the dresser I see another note, it would have to be from Ianto, no one else comes in here.

"Sir, knowing that you would be a little tender after, I have taken the liberty of acquiring an analgesic gel from Owen's stores, please ensure that you apply it generously and if it is not too presumptuous to abstain from wearing any underwear to allow the gel time to work properly. I have sent Tosh and Gwen out to gather samples from a quasi-gelatinous substance that has been reported to the local environmental board, people believe that it is a residual leftover from a decontamination attempted by the local fire brigade. I believed it better to be safe than sorry. Owen left at the same time, mentioning that he wished to follow up on some autopsy results, although personally Sir I believe he has gone to one of the adult video theatres as he has left a magazine open indicating a new show opening today."

Smirking to myself I have to wonder who is actually in charge here, it is amazing what Ianto can get away with, people don't even realise he has given them orders before they are doing exactly what he asked. Then again, who am I to talk, no surprise there then that the other three are just as susceptible.

Making my way out to my desk I notice how quiet and peaceful it is without the other three in here. Could kind of get used to this I think.

"Sir, did you want a coffee, I could admit to wanting one myself, so it would be no trouble."

I still can't believe Ianto, one minute fucking the living hell out of me, the next acting all subservient, I really don't understand that man at all.

"That would be fine Ianto, grab yourself a cup as well, I'd like to talk to you if you wouldn't mind."

"That would be fine Sir, just give me a moment. Shall I bring them in here or would you rather somewhere else?"

"Just here is fine thanks Ianto." Fuck, I really need to get some control back here. I can't help but take my cues from him, I know I am letting him dictate the how and whys, and sex wise I don't mind at all, hell if I'm perfectly honest I'm fucking thrilled by it, but I still need to be able to run things here, not still be in sub mode. Yeah, Ianto and I really need to talk.

Watching as Ianto brings in the coffees I take a sip, perfectly doctored as usual. We sit there looking at one another, neither saying a word, just each taking the occasional sip and trying to avoid each others eyes. Well, that stops now.

"Ianto" I try, he acknowledges me, but still doesn't raise his eyes to mine.

"Ianto, we have to talk about this."

"I know." Comes his hushed answer. "I've been waiting for you to say something, I didn't feel it was my place to start."

"That's fucking bullshit Ianto and you know it, its fine for you practically decimate my own vision of myself and make me happy to do that, but not for you to try talk about it after?" I really don't get him at all I swear I don't.

"What do you see happening between us Ianto, what exactly do you see?"

"Permission to speak frankly Sir?"

"You know you can Ianto, for the love of god stop this passive aggressive crap, I for one have had it."

"Fuck you, how dare you accuse me of being passive aggressive, I'm not the one that has turned it into a fucking art form."

His vehemence surprises me, not to mention I have this sneaking suspicion he may be right about that. "Fair enough Ianto, I know you're right, but still, what's going on here?"

"You tell me Jack, you're not the one with anything to lose here."

I can't help but look aghast at that "How fucking dare you tell me that I have nothing to lose here, what about my pride, dignity, my leadership. Have you thought of those you little prick."

I can't help it, I am fucking furious here, where does the little fuck get off saying that crap?

"Your fucking pride, dignity, leadership? What about my fucking heart, my fucking sanity!"

"Is this all a game to you? Do you actually have any idea how hard this is?" He continues almost under his breath "No, of course you don't, do you actually feel anything other than the physical?"

I am completely stunned here, when I said we should talk, this was not what I wanted, but I have a lingering suspicion that I have been called shallow.

"I'm not shallow you know."

"Of course not Jack, you don't need to be deep, you just need to be pretty." Ouch , the venom in those words stings deeply. I never knew just how much words could hurt when used by a master.

"All you care about is when your next fuck is coming along, I wont play this game anymore Jack, I am sick of your games. Make a fucking decision and stick to it."

"I can't do this dom thing all the time Jack, it is too exhausting, especially when you get no emotional feedback, all I see when we fuck Jack is that yes, you really enjoy it, but that's it. No emotional connection at all."

"Why do you think I have been pushing you so hard with the sex Jack, is it because I think you're nothing more than a hole to fuck? Or is it because I need to see a connection happen between us, maybe I need someone I can trust to look after me as well as being the one to do all the caring."

"You're a great piece of arse Jack, but until you make up your mind, that is how I will view you, nothing more than a great shag. It is your choice pretty boy." And with that he ups and leaves the office.

A million thoughts whirl inside my head, memories of other conversations with previous lovers all saying the same thing, memories of this morning with Ianto caressing me afterwards, bleak thoughts at the thought of never again touching Ianto.

I feel a tightness in my chest and the world goes blurry. Wrapping my arms around myself I feel a single tear trail its way slowly down my cheek as I ask myself "How do you change the behaviour of a lifetime?"

I hadn't realised I'd spoken aloud until I hear "By putting one foot in front of the other Jack, one day at a time."

Wrapping his arms around me I finally let the tears flow.

* * *

Chapter 4: Interlude 1 B

I have never needed anyone in my life, I have loved and left, lusted and left, but never needed and kept… Until now.

My eyes are raw and stinging, my heart raw and bleeding and yet his arms remain around me, no words, just his support and dare I say it… love.

His words sliced deep, hurting me, but eventually are cathartic as my pain seeped out through those metaphoric wounds and finally cauterised the hole in my life. There is much that I want out of this everlasting life I have and maybe there is only one thing that I really need. Someone to know who I am, what I am and where I am in this life… and more importantly, to have them not care on the answers, but still is there for me regardless.

Dare I hope that one need may now be close to being filled?

His arms are still around me soundlessly saying that he is there for me, but I know I still have to prove myself to him. He is a strong man this Ianto Jones and hopefully he is strong enough to support me.

Looking up he still wears a blank mask, but his eyes are telling me what his voice does not.

"I asked you before Ianto, what do you want from this, from us and I know that I was unfair in how I asked, so let me answer first." My voice is raw and ragged, it is an externalisation of the bleeding mess my insides are and I know it is going to take some time to even start patching these wounds.

"Ianto, what I need is someone to hold me at night, someone to let me know it is alright to fuck up, someone to kick my arse for me when I need it and every so often I need someone to take control and make decisions for me, to allow me to let go and allow me to really trust someone. Ianto that is what I need."

I can see in his eyes that he thinks I am being selfish again. I have to nip this in the bud.

"But what I want is you Ianto, I want you to be the one I turn to for solace when things go wrong, I want you to be the one to tell me things will be okay, I want you to be the one who kicks me in the arse when I need it, but most important Ianto, I want you to be the one I trust above everyone else."

"I don't know what else to say Ianto and I know words are only that, words…" I can't continue, to broken up. This is me Captain Jack Harkness, stripped bare and deconstructed.

I can only let my face and my hand finish my plea as I turn into his shoulder and rest my hand gently along his jaw. I am spent, no more to say. All I can do is wait for the verdict.

All there is to be heard is a slight hitch in his breathing, no other sound can be heard, but I receive my answer anyway. A solitary tear makes its way down his cheek and onto the hand I caress him with. It is not everything, but it is enough for now. I know he cares, he may even love me, but Ianto being Ianto, manages to surprise me yet again.

"I do love you Jack and that gives you all the power over me, until now I could never really trust you and to be honest I still can't fully. That takes time and effort, I have the time but do you have the effort?"

Looking back up into his red rimmed eyes I read the truth of his statement so I answer the in kind. I let all my fears and all my hopes for us show through my eyes. It is still not quite enough as I see the lingering strains of doubt still clouding his vision.

"I am falling in love you Ianto, a little more each day, a little harder each day. With you I can feel free, with you I am cherished, with you I am whole."

Trembling I stand and lower my face to his.

"Please." It is more breathed than spoken, more wished than stated, but it is enough.

Ianto raises his lips to mine and breathes against them "Always." Our lips meet and it is the beginning of time, the end of days and everything else in between.

I gasp as he parts my lips with his tongue, his teeth gently nibbling on my lower lip. Moving his head slightly lower his teeth rasp against the stubble on my chin and even further down his lips move against my throat as I arch my head back in submission. The growl he emits goes down through me till it curls around my groin and tightens its hold on me.

My answering moan is guttural, wrenched from deep within me as he stakes his claim on me. I feel him mark my neck, the slight pain of it combining with his need to possess, it is no child's hickey, he is claiming me for all to see. His hands grow more insistent and demanding as they fumble with my shirt buttons, to gone to even care he rents the cloth asunder and begins his attack on my chest.

I need to touch him, to feel him against me, but am powerless to actualise it. His teeth are biting harder now and it is all I can do to remain aware and not lose myself in the sensation; it is too soon yet to do so. He will let me know when I can.

He goes from laving one nipple to twisting to biting and back again, it is impossible to predict his movements and I quickly give up trying to. The raw need that possess' both of us has taken rational though away and left only primal need, the need to possess and be possessed. I can no longer remain completely passive as my hands tear at his shirt, scrabbling for purchase on the smooth cotton. Reaching around to his back I try rent the garment from his body. Finally I manage to break the seam from the yoke and back panel and that is all I need as I tear the offending layer away. Feeling his smooth skin beneath my hands is a wonder to me as I tear the away the front of the shirt, growling as the sleeves refuse to budge and pulling harder on them each in turn until only his sleeves remain intact on his body, the rest of the shirt lies at our feet, a shredded wreck.

No longer content with just my chest I feel myself turned around so my back is against his chest. I can feel his trapped cock, hard against my arse. One hand moving down towards my belt, the other clawing my chest as his nails mark me as indelibly as his mouth earlier had.

His grunts have taken on a primitive quality as all though processes cease and only mindless rutting remains. He is an animal and I am his mate. His hands finally free my belt and I feel the wrench as he tries to yank down my pants without undoing them, to him it matters not, to me it matters even less.

With my pants barely down to my mid thigh, the hand that was trying to undo my belt now works on his own, frantically scrambling at the clasp and buttons he thrusts his pants down and grinds his cock hard against my arse.

I am moaning now, all I want him to do is fuck me, to take me as his. His teeth find their way to my shoulder as he clamps down hard, just below my collar bone. All I can do is roar and grind my arse back onto his cock with renewed fervour.

"Take me, fuck me, own me." It is all I can manage, the pain of the bite, the sting of the scratches, my own need to be taken, it is all consuming as I lean forward and reach back to spread my arse cheeks wide for him.

"Fuck me, please Ianto, fuck me hard, plough your cock deep in my hole with one thrust and make me feel it, make me feel."

Whether he heard me and understood or I just got lucky as his cock hits my arse and catches. With a cry I thrust back and at the same time he growls and thrust forwards. Holy fuck, it hurts so much, there was still some of the analgesic gel left from earlier today, but not quite enough to ease his entrance. I start to fly as he mercilessly fucks my arse, not caring for my pleasure, but his own.

I feel it as I start to come, I am outside of my body, watching him attack my hole as my balls draw tight and I start to scream out all of the pain, misery and loneliness I have ever felt in my life. Watching myself shudder as each spurt lands further than the last, watching at the look on Ianto's face, feeling my arse clenching so tightly around his cock until he himself lets out a roar of conquest, of possession, of ownership as he empties himself inside me. No longer able to stand, my legs collapse under us, taking myself and Ianto down. Tears run down my face and I feel free for the first time in my life.

I hear muffled sobbing from behind me as Ianto cries out his fear and loneliness and I know now, that as much as I need Ianto, he needs me just as much. Barely able to more around I take Ianto's face in my hands and for the first time in my life say the words like I really feel them.

"I love you to Ianto, here, now, tomorrow and forever, I am yours."

* * *

Chapter 5: Chapter 3

Laying there on the hard floor I am sure we resemble a Celtic Knot arms and legs intertwined, not able to see where one starts and finishes and now that I am honest enough with myself to admit how much I need Ianto in my life it also resembles our hearts. Veins and arteries, valves and chambers all joined to the one organ that makes us truly human… our hearts.

Softly nuzzling his neck as his hands caress my spine I feel at peace at last. I ache all over, but it's a good ache. I carry upon myself the marks and battle wounds of love.

Damn, never really thought I'd be the one carrying on about love, but you want to know something, it is the one thing that without you can truly wither and die from the lack.

I don't want to move, but sooner or later we are going to be interrupted and I'd rather not have Ianto exposed to Owen's barbs any more than he already is. I know Ianto can handle Owen easily, just doesn't mean he should have to.

Lifting my head to his I am struck anew at the walking dichotomy that is Ianto Jones, the tracks of his tears for us as opposed to the tracks of the scratches he made all over my chest as he finally took ownership of something that was already his if we had both admitted it.

His strength as he took me opposed to the gentle hands ghosting across my back, his forcefulness as he Dom's me and the vulnerability he showed me as he first confessed to love me. There is no doubt that Ianto is a complex man, but I wouldn't have him any other way.

"Jack, we have to get up and find some fresh clothes, our other ones appear to have seen better days." Ianto wryly points out "I'll have to grab a shirt from your wardrobe though; I don't have anything else here."

"God, together for only a couple of hours and we are sharing closet space already." I joke back to him and feel a weight lift at his answering smile.

Rising up I get a sharp twinge which causes me to grimace, most definitely going easy on the sex for a couple of days… maybe a day, oh who the hell am I kidding, all he has to do is give the nod and I'm there panting like a dog on a summer's day.

Shaking my head at my own folly I reach down to give Ianto a hand up, only to be yanked back down as he pulls on my arm.

"I didn't say we were going anywhere just yet Jack, we have plenty of time before they get back." Is Ianto's cheeky reply as he leans in and wraps his arm around me and pulls me back in and starts to plunder my mouth.

'God, what that man can do with his tongue' is all I can think as I open my mouth to let him in deeper. His tongue curls around mine as his hands begin to move down to my arse. Playfully kneading and rolling each cheek getting me hard again as I moan into his mouth.

"…please, let me, now, suck…" I barely make sense as I drop to my knees and caress his cock with my face, letting my tongue flickered along it as I draw my face down his prick. Reaching up I slowly pull back his foreskin and swirl my tongue around it, feeling Ianto shudder and his hands grasp my head I need no further prompting as I open my mouth wide and descend his cock till all I have his pubic hair tickling my nose.

Undulating my tongue against the underside of his shaft I draw my head slowly back only to plunge down it again a moment later. Grabbing his arse I thrust his hips forward almost choking me with his prick and loving every fucking second of it. As he withdraws his cock I take a deep breath through my nose and thrust back down his shaft, hold his hips I hold them immobile. Remembering a trick that was done to me many years before, I try doing vocal exercises. Yup, that got him, never had a 'hummer' before I'll bet.

"Jack!" Is all I hear as his prick get forced even further down my throat, mindless of my gags he fucks my face with abandon, it is all I can do to open my jaw wider and try relax my gag reflex. With a final thrust and a shout his cock erupts down my throat as I ease back my head to taste him properly and milk his cock dry.

His shudders intensify as I keep sucking his cock, paying special attention to the head, his convulsions and screams are a heady mix to me.

"Kiss me Jack," he pants "kiss me."

Who am I to turn down such an invitation, as I stand up before him and share his taste with him.

"Wait till later Jack, you'll get yours."

Not sure if that is a threat or a promise, but either way I'm looking forward to it.

"Jack, we have to change now, the remainder of the team will be here shortly." Damn, he had to remind me didn't he?

"We really should talk tonight about this Ianto, I mean limits and stuff. We have to get this sorted properly if we are to continue seeing each other and I'm telling you, I have you now, I wont let get."

"You're right Jack. We do have to talk, but we'll do it tonight over dinner, say my place at 7?"

"You're on Ianto" I eagerly reply and give him a gentle kiss for good measure.

Gathering up the remnants of our clothes we hurry back to my quarters to change…

The remainder of the day drags on with only the continued sniping from Owen and Gwen to liven things up.

"Will you two just go and fuck or something so the rest of us can actually do some work?" I couldn't help myself, they were beginning to even annoy me. It seems that even I have a limit when it comes to those two.

"Fuck off Jack, you're just pissed that Ianto isn't here to suck your cock." Came the witty rejoinder from the peanut gallery.

"Actually Owen, you missed that earlier, except it was Jack blowing me, but that was after I shagged him silly before hand." Ianto strikes again with the silent stalker routine.

I am sure my face must have given me away as I went from a snicker to horror in 2 seconds flat. Looking up into Ianto's eyes I see him frown slightly then ask silently to trust him. Well, that I can do as I school my features back to subtle amusement.

The look on Owen's face should been seen to be believed, he looks more like a fish out of water than anything at the moment. It is Gwen that starts him off as she throws back her head and laughs at Owen's expense.

Owen sheepishly looks back to Ianto, "I suppose I was a little out of line there." The closest anyone will get to an apology from Owen I think.

"Was there anything else you wanted Owen, or have you finished attempting to humiliate me, perhaps a cup of coffee?" Is Ianto's modulated reply as he turns and calmly walks back over to the kitchenette and begins making the coffee.

The room is silent now, I think they are starting to realise that Ianto can look after himself. Part of me longs to run back to him and hold him, the other part knows this is how it has to be for now. Glancing back to the kitchenette, I see his shoulders stiffen as he snaps his head back fractionally and breathes deeply in. This hurt him, I know that. His body language screams stay away, but I can't and I don't.

"Hey Ianto, if the offers still open, I'll have a coffee as well." Turning to face me, I see him school his face back to neutral. As he turns his face completely to me I mouth to him "I love you Ianto Jones." His face doesn't change, but his eyes register the feeling as they blaze into brilliance for a moment before the dim back to their usual shade.

Message received, message understood.

* * *

Chapter 6

Watching the clock tick over to 6 o'clock and I'm running around trying to kick Tosh out so I could get ready, "Tosh, just what would it take for you to put down that keyboard, grab your bag and get the hell out of here?" As you can tell I was at the end of my tether by now. I've been trying to get rid of her for the past hour and she just can't take a hint.

"Jack, just why do you want me out of here so badly, I still have two analysis' to complete as well work on bio-thermal tracing software and that's before I work on the integration of the spatial matrix into the rift equation to allow for fourth dimensional tracking."

Somehow I think my blank stare let her know I was completely lost. Oh well, desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Actually Tosh, I had organised a few acquaintances of mine to get together and unless you'd be interested in becoming part of one of my infamous sex romps, I'd advise you to make yourself scarce. Completely up to you though of course."

I can see her blush from here as she opens her attaché and throws the paperwork in, not paying any attention to what it is she's packing, I think a copy of Owen's porn catalogue was packed in there then.

"Alright Jack, I shall see you tomorrow." Her face is still flushed and I can't help myself.

"Are you sure Tosh, I'm sure my friends wouldn't mind if I invited one more."

"No… that's fine Jack, you enjoy yourself."

I can't help the snicker as she tells me to enjoy myself. I intend to. Just not with who she thinks.

Glancing back to the clock tells me, I'm going to be running late if I don't get a move on. Damn, now what to wear, what to wear as I decimate my wardrobe. How does one dress for dinner with your putative Dom, whom I'm sure has a dinner suit on and prepared a five course meal. Shit, it'll have to be the tux. Thank god for pre tied bow ties.

Knocking at the door, only a couple of minutes late, I feel like a gauche 15 year old picking up his date for the first time. As the door opens, the sight that greets me is one that I would never have imagined.

Standing there in front of me is the devil himself, his hair mussed and spiked and he hasn't bothered shaving, he's wearing this black pirate shirt, silk I think, loosely laced over his chest, his chest hair poking through the laces. These tight leather pants that seem more spay on than put on and to top of the ensemble, mid-calf 30 hole Doc's.

I'd say something, but the blood pooling in my cock must have come from the language centre of my brain, all I can managed is a strangled grunt.

"You just going to stand there Jack, or are you coming in?" Is his cocky response

Bastard, he's well aware of my reaction to him, it is not as if I'm being subtle here, my breathing is strangled as my chest tightens. I fight the urge to drop to my knees and polish his boots with my tongue and finally manage to command my legs to move towards him.

He has thrown me for a loop, when I start to see someone it is I that calls the shots, not the one being led around on a leash. I have to get my equilibrium back.

Finally remembering the flowers I bought on the way over here, I pull my arm from behind my back and offer them to him. Not really sure why I did buy them, not usually something I'd consider, especially when dating a guy, but they caught my eye and I couldn't resist. Black Parrot Tulips with a cream edge, striking, just like Ianto.

His reaction seems so at odds with his appearance, a faint blush stains his cheeks and his body language softens to almost coy as he takes the flowers from my hand.

"Thank you Jack, no-one has ever bought flowers for me before."

Ah, it's good to know that I'm not the only one off balance here.

"Please Jack, come in" his welsh accent more pronounced now, warmer and richer than I think I have ever heard it before.

Closing the door behind me I step into Ianto's world, his private realm. The first thing that strikes me is the lived in look the place has, not untidy but a comfortable clutter, not something I'd attribute to Ianto.

"Would you like a drink Jack?" His voice calls from what I assume is the kitchen.

"Yeah, thanks Ianto, I could use one, whiskey if you have it."

"Glen Dronach alright?"

Have to approve his taste, nice drop.

"Jack, we still have to talk you know, there's still too much up in the air."

"I know… I know, just not really sure where to start, can we just start dinner and let me think about it a bit longer?" It's a cop out, but I don't know where to start, I kind of know what I want, but the how's, why's and where fore's are still unclear. I just hope he has a better idea of where we're heading.

"That may be for the best for now Jack, there are some things that I still have to work out myself, but regardless, we still need to talk… among other things" his voice is like gravel at the last. I shudder reflexively as his voice reawakens something deep within me.

"Come Jack, let's eat, I'm starving."

As Ianto turns around a see his arse, encased in tight leather and the roof of my mouth goes dry and I follow him through to the dining room an automatic pilot.

Damn, he's gone all out, the Mikasa dinnerware, Wedgewood silverware and I think those are real Damask napkins and tablemats and if my eyes don't deceive me that is a Swarowski decanter and glasses. Shit… what is wrong with me? I'm sitting here sounding like Martha Stewart.

"Sit Jack, I'll bring the rest of the food in," following actions to words Ianto walks back out to the kitchen and returns with dinner already plated.

"To be honest Jack, this isn't up to my usual standard, my mind's been a little preoccupied lately, can't for the life of me think why." Ianto's wry comment brings me out of my reverie

"I'm sure it will be fine, what are we having anyway?" I may not be sure what he's cooked, but it smells incredible, who knew… Ianto, the Naked Chef. Oh boy, that's an image I don't need just know.

"For entrée 'Proscuitto et meloné', mains we have 'Linguine Nicoise' and for dessert 'Tiramisu', I hope you like Italian, but it was the quickest and easiest to do."

"Are you kidding Ianto, sounds great and just for future reference, I love anything Italian." Italian food as well I think to myself.

"Would you like some wine, I have a nice Australian white shiraz or there's some Henschke's Mount Eddelstone the '92 I think in the decanter."

I just indicate the red and get stuck into the entrée, it really is good. Watching Ianto eat would have to be one of the most erotic events of my life, it's clear he loves food, but he loves good food and his appreciation of it goes almost over the bounds of decorum. His tongue lapping after the cantaloupe juice, his eyes going deep lidded as he inhales the bouquet of the wine. The way his lips enclose the salad fork as he pulls the fork from his mouth. Such a sensual guy. I think I have sweat standing proud on my brow by the time I have finished the entrée. I dread to think what he'll be like with the linguine, if this keeps up, I'll have to dash to the bathroom to 'cool down'.

The last bites of the tiramisu have been consumed and the armaretto has been drunk, can't hide any more. It's time to talk.

Seated in the lounge room I'm struck anew at the difference in Ianto here and at work. We are sprawled across the couch, me lying in front of him with his arm around me, running his fingers along my chest. His lips caressing the nape of my neck and his cock nestled hard against me.

"So Jack, what's with the tux, not that I'm complaining or anything, but seems a touch over the top?"

I consider taking the easy way out and start to say something about doing it to impress him, but I break off midway. "I didn't know what to expect Ianto, you are the one normally dressed impeccably. I didn't want to disappoint you. You confuse me, you switch from Dom to servant and back in the blink of an eye. I don't know what to expect from you."

"Oh Jack, did you really expect me to wear a suit in my own home?" his soft chuckle warms me. "Of course I'm different at home, here I do as I want and I'm not at the beck and call of everyone. My turn Jack, I'm assuming that you still need to have some elements of control when we get together, I'm not talking at work here, but when we are alone. Have you thought of any hard limits you'd want to impose?"

Taken back by his matter of a fact question, I stall a little, before answering "Ianto, don't get me wrong, I've loved everything we done together so far, but sometimes, I'd just like regular everyday hot steamy mindfuckingblowing sex."

"Other times though I just want to service you or be tied up and screwed senseless. Some times some sensory deprivation and I have to admit I love toy play, but what really gets me going is anything with an edge, something that gets the adrenaline going, breath control, suspension, vac racks, flogging some gun play."

"Not a bad list to start with Jack and to be honest, I don't feel I have the focus to Dom you every time so the fact that you want an everyday relationship relieves me as well. I take it you're not into raunch? You know, yellow, brown."

Shit, I think my drink just went down the wrong way, that's the only reason I'm coughing… honestly.

"Ahh, no, not really my scene, so I suppose, hard limits would be permanent marks, yellow, brown, blood play, temp piercing's." The thought alone of some of those activities leaves me cold.

"Good Jack, I don't go for any of those either, but I have to admit you said you like breath control, that's not something I have done before, so that is something we'll have to wait a little for." Ianto looks relieved to have that off his chest as his eyes go hooded again and his pupils dilate.

"I want you Jack," he breathes along the back of my neck as his fingers undoing the clasp of my bowtie and running his hand down to my arse.

"Fuck me babe, fuck me." All the blood seems to heading south as he cups my arse and kneads it firmly.

As I sit up and start to take my shirt off, Ianto husks out "Let me Jack, let me look after you."

Christ, how do you say no to that, WHY would you say no to that? As I hold my hand out to him he reaches out and clasps our fingers together and swings his legs off the couch and onto the floor. Getting up, his hands already working on the buttons on my shirt, feather light touches to my chest. Reaching the last button he pushes the shirt off my shoulders he leans forward and flickers his tongue across my chest, circling my nipples and working his way up to my neck.

I can barely breath, he has barely touched me and yet every touch has super sensitised my skin, I can't help the shudder that wracks through me. His hand move down to my cock and grips it through my pants. I can't help but moan as his fingers wrap tightly around my cock and squeezes it tightly. Using his other hand my belt is removed and the buttons and zipper are undone, dropping my pants to the floor. Dropping to his knees he mouths my cock through my briefs, sucking me through the thin fabric, his fingers playing with my balls. Reaching up through the leg of my briefs he exposes my balls and takes each one in his mouth, rolling it around with his tongue.

I need more of him and try to bring his head back up to my leaking prick. Yanking down my briefs, my prick bouncing back up giving him a perfect salute, begging him for attention. Sucking first one finger then another into his mouth he proceeds to deep throat them, making me groan in envy. Using his knees he pushes my legs further apart and pulling on my balls he gets me to squat down a little.

I know where those fingers are heading now and my moan marks me as the slut we all know I am.

"Please, please, Ianto please", its all I can manage as he works his spit coated fingers into my arse, stretching me. I can't help myself as I start to ride his fingers. Fucking myself as he slowly jacks me off with his other hand.  
"More, deeper, harder…" Twisting his fingers inside me he inserts another finger and pushes deep within me. He's angling them just right as the next time I thrust down they hit right on my prostate as I moan deeper and needier.

"Take off your shirt completely Jack then lay down on your back" comes the throaty command. Not caring any further I yank my sleeves over my hands and dump the shirt on the floor and lay down next to it.

Standing over my head his hand goes to the first stud on his leather pants and unsnaps hit, his cock is clearly delineated within the confines of those pants, hooking his thumb on the slightly opened fly his fingers stroke his cock through the leather. Using his hooked thumb, he unsnaps the second stud, then the third. Bringing both hands to his waist, he parts the fly and gently eases his pants down over his hips and past his straining cock.

"Undo my boots Jack" he rasps out as I fumble blindly with the laces while looking up at him stroking his cock, it's flushed head a dark red peeking out as his hand pulls back his foreskin and back again as he slowly jacks off in front of me.

Finally getting both boots undone, he stops jerking his cock and leans over to pull his boots off. Hearing those heavy boots hit the polished floor goes right through me and I remind myself to make sure he wears them again. Looking back up at him he has those pants down around his ankles and is slowly pulling them off over each foot.

Kneeling over my head he leans over me and lifts my legs in the air, trapping my legs in the air behind his arms he leans his head down and starts to rim my hole. He lowers his hips and forces his cock onto my face. Repositioning my head I manage to get his cock in my mouth the next thrust. Knowing his cock was where it was supposed to be his next thrust is deeper and his tongue fucks me deeper as well. He's fucking my face as her tongue fucks my arse. Reaching around I try to grab my cock but quickly get my hands slapped away.

Suddenly his tongue is removed as he leans up and back reaching for something. Next thing I know he has my belt in his hands. Moving up to his feet he moves forward a little then squats down over my face, the instruction is clear.

Lapping around his hole he grunts out "Fucking eat my arse properly Jack."

Grinding his arse in my face I have no choice but to rim him deep. I taste his musky flavour, a slight hint of soap and the remnants of leather that seeped through his brief. I tongue him deeper, revelling in the taste as I feel him wrap the belt around my ankles and yank it tight around them. He gets up and pulls the belt over my head and tells me to hold my own legs in the air.

Moving around to my arse he goes back to eating it out and getting me ready to fuck. All I can do is squirm as his talented tongue laves my hole. I'm gasping for breath and begging him to fuck me, I can't help it I need to feel him deep inside me.  
With no finesse, but considerable force he breaches me with one thrust, my scream can probably be heard in the next county, but I don't want it to stop, I never want it to stop.

He thrusts deep within me and holds himself there for a fraction then slowly pulls back only to thrust back in hard, the torture is exquisite, the pain fades as the pleasure grows. On and on he fucks me, using me like the whore I am, nothing but a hole to fuck and I love it. I need this, no choices to make, no consequences to pay, no responsibility. With Ianto I am nothing more than his fuck toy and I wouldn't have it any other way.

His thrusts become more erratic now, he's trying to fuck the come out of me, angling each thrust against my prostate. I can't hold on anymore, I am raw with want and holding on by the skin of my teeth, I have to blow.

"…please, please…please, please, please!" It's my new mantra, begging for permission to come. Sliding his cock fully out I howl out "No, put it back!" and he does. Ianto puts his entire body weight behind that thrust and I see stars as my cock explodes everywhere. My hoarse scream wakens the dead as I feel Ianto come inside me with his own growl of pleasure.

Utterly spent I no longer have the energy to hold the belt as it slips from my nerveless fingers, my legs tremble and come down on top of Ianto

"I don't want to move Jack, I can't, too spent."

"That's ok, just undo my legs please babe."

I don't get a response, but eventually I feel the belt loosen around my ankles and finally fall free. He slowly twists over to his side, making sure he was still embedded in me. Rolling me onto my side he spoons behind me, cock still up me… and we sleep.

* * *

Chapter 7

I awake slowly, trying to remember my dream, god… it felt so real. Ianto in leather pants and Doc's, making me hold my legs in the air with my belt, damn that was hot, felt so real though.

Finally stretching out, the hard, cold floor beneath me, I realise it was no dream, Ianto lies behind me, his morning hard-on still balls deep inside me. God, I could stay like this forever. Grinding my arse back into him, I feel the delicious burn from last night's activities still deep within me. That boy knows how to fuck.

Reaching my arm around, I pull us closer together so his chest is hard against my back, I love the feel of him behind me… well to be honest, I love the feel of him anywhere on me, but this is good.

Safe, it is not a word I am used to using, especially in conjunction with me, but it's true. I feel safe with Ianto, he protects me from what he can and he comforts me when he can't. I know he will try save me from myself, there is so much about me he still doesn't know, I doubt I'll ever be able to tell him everything, but he doesn't care, he still protects me regardless.

Trust, another word that is foreign to me at least in the application of it anyway. I find this one a hard sell at the best of times and yet in comes Ianto and gently coerces me into trusting him. At first it was purely professionally, I know Ianto will do whatever is asked of him, whenever and he knows that we trust him to do that. Learning to trust Ianto with my body was easy enough, from that first time he stormed over to me with his 'going to do you good' face, yes… that was easy enough.

Our fight the other day proved just how insecure we both are though, me trusting him with this lump of flesh I call a heart and him desperately craving acceptance, but in all honesty we are the same, too scared to go forward… too proud to go back.

Feather light kisses along my shoulder pull me from my introspection and back into the real world with jarring alacrity as I arch my neck back in response, slowly undulating in time to his gentle thrusts inside me. No words are spoken or needed as his hand snakes its way down my chest to my cock stroking me gently in time with his thrusts. Long, languid, leisurely strokes, each designed to drive me slowly out of my mind. His gentleness is starkly contrasted by the previous evening's roughness, Ianto Jones… The Walking Dichotomy.

I can feel the tightness in my balls and can feel the unfurling warmth spread from my groin. Like a kundilini spiral I feel my release flow effortlessly through me until finally my entire body erupts. My heart trips over and my minds voice matches it's rhythm 'I love you, love you, love you.'

Wrapping his arms around me, Ianto never changes his tempo, slow thrust going deep within me only to withdraw just as slowly to the tip and repeat. My body is pure sensation as each glide caresses my prostate going in and coming out. There is no driving need like last night, nothing but pure acceptance as my body welcomes him in with each touch and movement, and there are no barriers now, nothing to hide behind.

My every thought is clearly etched on my face as each of his answering thoughts is etched onto his. Our eyes say everything to each other 'let me trust you?', 'let me love you?'… 'protect me?', 'accept me?'… 'Ianto', 'Jack'. With each question asked it is answered in kind. Each thrust into me, each touch of his hand on me tells me he is there for me, to protect me, to love me.

With every thrust, my heart grows less cold, with every touch my fears lessen as the past slowly breaks free from the prison I kept them in. With a lone tear caressing my cheek, I bid goodbye to the past and finally let it go.

At that unseen signal, Ianto stills and I feel his release enter me, filling the void that my past once resided in. Pulling gently out of me, Ianto rolls me to my other side and I see the trace of a single tear on his cheek… the remnants of his past.

Pulling his head down to mine, I place a genteel kiss upon his lips. Still not one word spoken, but so much has been said.

The goofy grin upon Ianto's face tells me we'll be alright and with that I feel our boundaries shift back to our working persona's once more.

Breakfast is a hurried affair as we shove down some cereal and a quick cup of coffee in our rush to get back to the Hub before everyone else gets in. That's not to say that we forgot the other in our haste, where ever we were, Ianto would just reach out and touch me and in the car kept his hand on my legs possessively. Finally there I turn to him and ask "Ready?"

"Ready," was Ianto's soft reply.

Looking down at my leg, Ianto's hand still there, "Umm, Ianto… are you planning on letting go of my leg at all in the next few minutes. Or should we just wait out here for the others to arrive and watch you claim me for all and sundry to see?"

This galvanised Ianto into action as he snatched his hand back and got out of the car with astonishing speed.

"Jack, you'll know when I claim you publicly and believe me, so will everyone else in the general vicinity." Ianto chuckled as an involuntary shiver makes its way down my spine, part fear, part anticipation. God, I'm such a slut, I've had the daylight fucked out of me last night and then this morning the most gentle loving that I still don't know whether I'm coming or going… umm probably a bad choice of term there, but if the cap fits…

"Fine, let's get going then, we do still have a job to do." Ianto tells me, still looking rather smug.

Entering the Hub we see that for once Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Even Dumber are already in, taking verbal pot shots at each other, unfortunately we don't escape unscathed as the vitriol gets thrown in our direction.

"Oi, just where the hell have you two been, eh?"

Ianto just rolls his eyes at the typical Owen remark.

"Jackie boy here been giving you the what for, or should that be The Old College Try?"

Sometimes I think Owen would look good with a muzzle and remind myself to check that fetish store for one in his size as Ianto's shoulders stiffen and his posture becomes even more erect.

"Owen, if all you can say is in hyperbole, innuendo or bad clichés, then I would advise you to speak to others of your acquaintance who are more on your wave length, I am sure most of the 'ladies' you know could probably teach you a thing or two, if they haven't already."

Damn, now I'm holding my breath, he's pretty much just called Gwen and Diane whores with that little sentence and watching the impact on Owen's face is not as amusing as I would have thought, there's murder in his eyes and he's the one with the scalpels.

"Why you little good for nothing fuck, I ought to rip you a new one, but then I'm sure Jack would go me for hurting his little fuck toy, tell me Ianto, what's it like getting it up the arse from your boss?"

Right that does it, I know this is only going to prove Owen right, at least in his eyes, but I have to head this off.

"Owen, shut your fucking mouth and get your arse into my office before I start playing target practice with your head."

Turning to face Gwen who's doing a passable goldfish impersonation, I yell at her "Don't you have something to do Gwen or perhaps you would like a choc ice and popcorn and maybe a comfy chair so you can watch the rest of this little soap opera unfold?"

Turning her eyes to me I can see I have hurt her, but I couldn't help it. What those two do out of hours is their business, so why can't they give us the same courtesy?

Looking over to Ianto I can tell he's upset, his blank mask is in place, but his eyes are pure murder and they are directed solely at me. Damn, I couldn't just let Owen speak like that, Ianto and I aside, I am still the leader here and it is my place to discipline them as I see fit.

I know Ianto can and does look after himself, but at the moment he's not thinking too clearly, he still can't separate us from work, but I think I am in the dog house over this one for quite some time to come.

Watching Ianto head over to his desk I follow meekly behind, "Ianto, I'm sorry, but you have to see it from a work perspective, I…"

"What do you mean from a work perspective Jack, all I saw there was my supposed partner not trusting me enough to handle things on my own, you just had to do it your way." Ianto snarls out, "You have to learn to trust me to know what I am doing."

"Please Ianto, I know you can look after yourself, but there are some things that as a boss I am supposed to handle and discipline is one of them. I am sorry, but I would do the same again in a heartbeat."

Watching Ianto process this I know he understands why, but the sting of Owen's words cut him deeply this time. Moving around to where he is seated, I crouch down and pull him into my arms he resists me for a second, but finally he gives in and allows me to hold him to my chest.

"I do trust you Ianto, more than you could possibly imagine, but you have to believe that I do trust you, it works both ways you know." I can't help it, times like this he seems more like a lost child than a fully grown adult and it is up to me to protect him however I can.

Looking up at me, I see he understands what I am saying as his breathing becomes more measured and his shoulders drop their rigidity.

"I know you're right Jack, but it can be so hard sometimes, especially with Owen, he can be such a bastard sometimes."

"I know, but still, we have to work with Owen and what you said to him also cut deeply, but anyway, we can discuss this later we still have enough to do today as it is."

Before I know it, Ianto has locked his lips to mine with a fierceness that at least equals last nights. His arms are tight around my neck as he forces my mouth open and plunders it with his tongue. We are so totally lost in the kiss we don't even see Tosh enter, so lost we don't even hear her gasp of surprise, the only time we knew someone was there was when her laptop crashed to the floor.

Pulling apart quickly, we look to see who dropped it. Tosh's face is a sight to behold, complete shock, with a side order of titillation. We couldn't help it as we both burst out in laughter. Ianto recovered just enough to apologise to Tosh.

"Tosh, s. sssorry you had ttto see ttthat." He stuttered out, "cccome over here and we'll tttry explain."

I managed to get control of my self long enough to bend over and pick up Tosh's laptop from the floor, so complete was her shock that she hadn't even gone to pick it up, considering the laptop was a close to Tosh as a First Born child, said a lot.

"I'll go make us some coffee Tosh and then we can talk about this." Ianto lets his dulcet tones wash over Tosh as she slowly adjusts to the fact that she did see what she thought she saw. Reaching over she takes her laptop from out of my grasp and checks it over for any damage, completely ignoring me in the process.

It is a long ten minutes until Ianto returns with the coffees, Tosh avoiding looking at me, just sitting there fiddling with her laptop, me sitting there looking everywhere but at Tosh, we were both relieved when Ianto returned, I'll tell you that.

"Do we tell here everything or just the basics for now?" Ianto whispers into my ear.

I mouth to him 'The Basics" and let him decide how and when to tell her the rest.

Ianto makes his way across to Tosh and tilts her head to meet his eyes using two fingers under her chin. Reaching down he grasps her hand in his and lifts it to his lips and gently kisses it.

"Tosh, you know what you saw don't you?" his voice is soft and soothing and I can see her relax. "Jack and I are seeing each other now, you know how I've felt about him for a while now."

I am surprised as Tosh wraps her arms around Ianto and hugs him tightly, actually they both seem closer that I thought and Tosh's next question points this out dramatically.

"What about the other… stuff?"

I grin to see her stumble over the words then have to wonder how she knew or what she knew.

"We are sorting that now Tosh," with an evil grin he turns to me and asks "but you are my bitch, aren't you Jack?"

I feel the blush bottom out somewhere around my hairline as I splutter and choke all over the place. I am saved from answering by Tosh laughing her head off and answering for me.

"I would say he is given that response Ianto, definitely your bitch." As more laughter peels out, a rich, happy laugh. Something I haven't heard from her before, it's a nice sound, carefree. That's my Ianto.

"Tosh come around for dinner on the weekend, providing work doesn't get in the way, we'll explain more then." I tell her.

Seeing the smile Ianto gave me for that, I feel on top of the world, like I have the right to invite people over to my boy friends… partner… lover's place.

Seeing Tosh off to her desk, Ianto returns to my side and whispers to me "thank you for that Jack, I will explain about Tosh and I tonight, but thank you anyway." Tilting my head to meet him the same way he did Tosh, Ianto kisses me and then mutters "You are so going to get very lucky tonight Jack, just you wait and see." And with that he strolls off to the kitchen.

Me on the other hand, I'm just going to sit here until my dick stops saluting. Going to get lucky indeed, you bet my arse I'm going to get lucky.

* * *

Chapter 8

Thank Christ today is nearly over, in one corner we have Tweedles Dumb and Even Dumber, no doubt doing their best to upset Ianto again and in the other corner we have Ianto and Tosh and judging from the screaming match between Tosh, Owen and Gwen, methinks that Tosh has been brought up to speed vis a vis Owen's and Ianto's little spat.

Actually, some of those barbs were rather amusing, for example; Tosh snapping at Gwen for being nothing more than a trumped up slut with big tits, which of course led to the inevitable remark from Owen about Tosh being only interested because of the big tits, nothing else did it for her.

But you know what the real clanger was? Tosh's heartfelt declaration that if Owen didn't leave Ianto alone, she would strip him naked, tie him to the post and let Ianto fuck the bejesus out of him. I have never heard silence as absolute as that in my life, and that's saying something.

Suffice it to say, Owen and Gwen were getting the instant coffees, the rest of us were getting the deluxe mocha experience (well almost the deluxe, the real deluxe is slurping it off Ianto's body, but I'd rather not share that titbit with the group.

By four o'clock the atmosphere had an air of incoming fire to it and everyone avoided the other group like the plague, this was going to get ugly and fast.

By five o'clock everyone had settled into an icy truce until Ianto finally broke.

"Jack, I have to apologise to them, this is all my fault."

"Like hell you do Ianto, Owen started it first then it escalated from there."

"I know that Jack, but I should apologise to Gwen, she was just caught up in it all."

I hate it when he does that, whenever possible and at whatever the cost to himself, Ianto Jones will do the right thing. Watching him leave the reception and enter the kitchen I hear the coffee machine go full tilt, followed by the unmistakeable sound of squirty cream.

Ahh, realisation dawns, no verbal apology will be made, but the peace offering more than makes up for it. With a shy, hopeful smile on his face, he carries the mocha deluxe into Gwen. I wait for the sound of a hand strike, but nothing can be heard for a few minutes until Gwen's distinctive laugh carries out to the ethers.

I have to shake my head wryly, don't know how he does it, but he's averted yet another crisis again… well almost.

"What are you doing in here you little faggot." Oops, Owen's still pissed.

"Owen, I thought it would be obvious, even to someone like you." Fuck, now Ianto's got his hackles up.

"What's that supposed to mean freak?"

"Owen, Ianto, stop please" Gwen's plaintive voice is lost among the testosterone surge.

"What I mean you stupid British fuck, is how you managed to pull Gwen in the first place, I mean remember who does the inventory here and guess which vial was missing the last time. Go on Owen, guess." Ianto's voice is like ice, frigid and unforgiving.

"Don't know what you're talking about Ianto." That's odd, Owen is backing down, he sounds frightened, if that's at all possible.

"That's alright Owen, I know which one it is and so do you. If you ever say anything about Jack, Gwen or Tosh again, I'll make sure everyone knows what type of little insignificant insect you really are. Are we clear?" Ianto uses intonation to great effect, even I shudder at the menace implicit in his words.

"Now go to Gwen, tell her anything you want to get out of this, but remember, you hurt her and she'll find out exactly why you are so irresistible. Now go, I'm sick of looking at you." Owen is dismissed and he knows it in no uncertain terms.

I really should find out what Ianto is talking about, I have some suspicions, but I'll wait and see how Owen reacts and behaves. Looks like Ianto has managed to pull off a coup d'etat without the opposition even realising they were being dethroned.

The Ianto that walks out again is a different one to the one I heard threatening Owen, this one is dejected, hurting and desperately lonely and I ache to hold him and take away the pain is his feeling so deeply.

Ianto must have read my thoughts in my aborted attempt to reach out to him, "Hold me Jack, no questions, just hold me."

And I do, as long as he needs me. I'll hold him, because I know that he'll do the same for me when I need it.

With a deep sigh and a brief tightening of his arms, Ianto steps back slightly. His face still impassive, but the real Ianto peeks out from his eyes and I know he'll be fine, he just wanted someone to lean on for a little while. Resting my head on his shoulder, I try relax enough to let the day's stresses go. Ianto's hands gently running along my spine and his lips nuzzling my neck soon have the desired effect as I relax completely in his arms.

Our peace is soon disturbed as a malevolent looking Owen strides into the room and halts, shocked, in front of us. Raising his head to face Owen, Ianto looks hard at him then simply shakes his head and returns his attentions to my neck.

Well… if Ianto doesn't care, I certainly don't but I have to wonder what fee the piper will charge at the end of the day.

"Lets go home Jack, if I recall correctly I promised you a seeing to." I can only nod in agreement, still unsure as to how Ianto switches on and off like that.

Grabbing our coats, Ianto steps into see Tosh before we leave, I can't hear what they are talking about, but she does have a grin of her face so that is one less thing to worry about… Thank fuck for that.

Coats on one arm and Tosh on the other, Ianto strolls back in without a care in the world. Draping my coat around my shoulders he leans in and kisses me quickly on the cheek. To my surprise Tosh quickly follows suit and pecks me on the other cheek.

"Bye Jack, have a good night" Tosh manages to say that all with an impish cast to her face, I guess Ianto is telling tales out of school, but for some reason that really doesn't bother me. I suppose if he feels comfortable enough to talk to her about things, then he is serious about this… although, I really want to know what he's said, as we all know patience is not one of my more known traits.

The ride back to Ianto's is quiet, not a threatening quiet, just a peaceful trip where no words need to be spoken. Again his hand is on my leg and is absently caressing it, mindlessly marking out his territory.

Entering Ianto's place has a slight feeling of coming home to it, I don't know if I could do the permanent co-habitation thing, but just the idea of having somewhere to go and someone to go home to makes me feel more human and alive than I have in years.

Feeling Ianto's arms wrap around me from behind breaks me from my reverie, leaning my head back against his shoulder I revel in his scent, gone is the trace of aftershave from this morning and in its place something more natural, primal. A muskiness that is all Ianto yet beneath the muskiness is a slight acrid scent, the smell of fear, of loss, of heartache.

No matter the length of time that passes, Ianto still carries the wounds and scars of battle, each one helping to shape him into who is today. There are many things I know about Ianto Jones and yet there are many I don't know, probably many things I will never know. It was once said that man creates himself, and yes I'll grant you that, but the tempering and honing can only be done through adversity, otherwise there is nothing but a shell, sometimes even after this refining process, only a shell remains. This is where man really creates himself, phoenix from the ashes style.

Ianto is like that, I know a little of his childhood and even less than that about his adolescence, but I know enough to know that a boy should never have to live through that sort of tempering and if fate had not decided to remove those who hurt Ianto, I would have.

Ianto's possessiveness is a left over trait from those earlier times, his need to be loved and accepted, if you know what to look for it is evident in everything action he makes, every cup of coffee he makes is a plea for acceptance, every time he backs down from adversity is a cry of no more, please don't hurt me.

What worries me is now he is starting to fight back and ready or not, this is going to open those old wounds into bloody gaping chasms of his soul. Reliving the past he thought was dead and buried, only to have it dragged back into the light of day each time he makes a stand, because every time he makes a stand, he remembers each and every time he didn't and the pain it caused.

Do I love him? I do. Am I strong enough to help put back the pieces of his soul? I hope, although I don't know if he is strong enough yet to let me. I have finally worked out that I am partially to blame for Ianto's bouts of machismo. Every time he controls me through sex gives him more confidence to do so in his everyday life, but my poor Ianto is not ready for what the real world can throw at him, not yet anyway.

Gods help me I love him, but does he trust me enough to let me help him as he helps me?

"Jack, how many times do I have to ask you?"

Shit, I think Ianto has cottoned on to my zone out, well duh… of course he has.

"Sorry Ianto, I'm just caught up in how glad I am to be home" it's the truth, but not all of it.

Ianto's eyes soften and his lips spread in a shy smile.

"Do you really think of this as home Jack?"

His shy question masks another question altogether, I am being tested here and he knows I know it.

"Not here per se Ianto, but with you, yes… home is here with you." That at least is the honest truth

The look of sheer relief on his face lets me know I passed, I know how insecure he can be, but if simple, honest statements like that ease his mind, then I have to learn to give them to him.

And again we're back to trust, me trusting him with who I am, with all I am. I have to tell him my fears, my hopes.

I look back at Ianto and I see the ghosts of all those I have loved super imposed on his, Estelle, Jack, The Doctor, Rose. These four make my past, hopefully Ianto will make my future.

"I love you Ianto Jones." There I have said it, no extreme reaction, no glib words, just the simple truth and the acknowledgement of that simple truth lightens me and gives me strength.

The affect is instantaneous and dramatic, with his hand fisted in my hair I am dragged back to his lips and for the first time in my life… I submit totally.

"Claim me Ianto, claim me" it is all I can get out as we finally part for breath.

His snarl was closer to an animal going in for the kill as I bare my throat and he attacks.

His teeth scraping along my throat until the close just over my jugular and the pain, oh the blessed pain as he sinks his teeth deep. My cry is dragged from me as I throw my head back further, giving him total access to my neck. The sting as his teeth leaves their mark and his tongue licking at the wounds.

Forcing me backwards until I am against the hallway wall, I am trapped, I am found. He is determined to mark every part of my body as his and I want him, god I want him to. His hands scrabbling at my shirt, eager for more flesh. The pain is unbearable and the pleasure incomparable as I am divested of my shirt his teeth continue their feeding frenzy on the exposed flesh.

Incoherent sounds make their way from my ravaged throat as Ianto continues his possession of me. Wild snarls and ragged gasps are the only sounds I can make as I am stripped bare to his hunger, his need to own me unparalleled by anything in his existence.

He bites down on my hard pectorals as his fingers make their way to my arse, I arch into his bite, craving more, more sensation, more feeling, more life. Spreading my legs a little I shift my balance to keep us upright, but it does no good, his body weight topples us forwards and yet even this does nothing to halt the onslaught of his mouth and fingers.

New sensations happen as my arse is breached by his fingers, two, three. Opening me up ready for him. Plunging them deeper into I screw myself on them as if it will be the last thing I feel before I die.

"More… deeper… own me" It is all I can do to make the words intelligible to even my own ears as my moans and cries envelope the words as they are spoken. I need him, I can't continue without him.

Opening me up further I feel the exquisite burn as another finger enters my hole and stretches me painfully tight, I love it, I love him. My cock thrums in time with my heartbeat as pre-come glistens at its tip. I am unbearably hard and the constant stimulation to my prostate has me thrashing my head to escape from this mind altering pleasure/pain.

As suddenly as the onslaught started, it's stopped. Ianto sits back on his haunches watching, waiting. With deliberate slowness he removes the remnants of his shirt, followed quickly by his shoes and pants. Naked, beautifully naked before me, letting me see the kind of animal that has taken me as his mate.

The sleek stomach, lightly furred, his chest chiselled and firm, soft dark hair dusting his pecs. His cock, hard and almost purple with arousal.

Standing up, he moves over to my face, I know what he wants, I love the taste of him. Sitting down on my face I have barely enough space to breath slightly but it matters not. Plunging my tongue deep into his hole, I lose myself in his taste, his essence, his being. I barely hear his growled words to me.

"Don't come"

And with that he takes my cock in his mouth and swallows me deep down to the root. Hot, tight, wet heat envelops me as I ram my tongue even deeper into his arse, fucking him with my tongue as he eats my cock. Pulling his arse down harder on my face as he rams my cock further down his throat, I exalt in us and who we are.

Raising his torso he lets his full body weight force my tongue deeper into him, slowly bouncing on my tongue as I left him fuck himself on it. With one final grind on my face he raises himself above me, turning around he hold my eyes with his as he makes his way over to straddle my groin.

Without breaking eye contact he lowers himself onto my cock, there is only spit lubing either of us, but it makes a difference not. Slowly he impales himself on my prick, sliding down, the pain clearly showing on his face, but not stopping either way.

"You just lay there Jack, don't move. That is all you have to do." And so saying raises himself again and drops back down embedding me deep within him. His tightness is indescribable and it is almost as painful for me as it is him as he bears down once more.

Tears are in his eyes as he fucks himself on my cock, his cock is still hard as before and if anything he seems closer to blowing.

His muttering, at first indistinct begin to take on the English language and as their meaning filters through what is left of my mind the horror of his life becomes more apparent and tears spring to my eyes as I watch Ianto exorcise one of his deepest demons.

"My choice… I choose this… I choose Jack… Never again anyone but Jack… I love Jack… I hate you Da."

His face has tears streaming down it as he repeats his monotone mutterings, his voice becoming clearer and stronger as each he thrust down he makes brings him closer to the edge.

His body thrusting down has taken on a whole new meaning as his past meets his present and the battle is joined.

"I hate you Da… Jack… only Jack… Never you again Da… Jack I choose Jack… I love Jack"

His scream as he comes is torn from the very depths of his soul as he drops down onto my chest and cries for what he has lost and maybe even for what he has found. Cradling him gently in my arms, it is all I can do to cry with him, for him.

The time for talk will come later, now it is my turn to be the strong one and be there for him.

* * *

Chapter 9: Interlude 2 A

Turning my face to see the clock, I watch as it changes over to three am, five hours, and except for dragging him into the bedroom and into bed, Ianto hasn't lessened his grip one iota.

I was right, his soul is back to being a torn and bloody mess and he has reverted back to the days when it all began. It is all I can do to hold onto him and relive it with him. The cries he emits rend my heart as his past is brought back to life in front of us both.

His pain as he remembers the loss of his mother, tearing away the only protection he ever had in his life up till that point. That was the day his life changed irrevocably as he bade farewell to his mother on her journey to heaven, he on the other hand entered Dante's Hell.

It is clear from photo's that Ianto does not get his looks from his father, if I didn't know better I would have sworn he was adopted, but from the one photo he has of his mother it is obvious who he took after.

The eyes that look back at me from the photo may just as well have been Ianto himself gazing upon me, they share the same cheekbones and his hint of a smile is echoed in this glimpse of the past. In her arms, a child gazes back up at the one person in his life to truly love him.

Cradling him closer, I tuck his head beneath mine as more tears make their way down my cheek. I have never known one person to live through such adversity and yet still retain such a forgiving and loving nature. I am humbled by the man in my arms.

The loss of his mother signalled the end of his childhood as his father descended into alcoholism, the abuse he meted out during his binges left Ianto with nothing but pain and fear as his constant companions.

His past has left its mark on him as each insult, each broken bone, each time he was dragged into the bedroom and told to strip. All this he spoke of and with each utterance his strength faded until only a raw shell remained.

His monotone recitation of these horrors suffered under his father's hand endlessly tripped off his tongue as if attempting to purge the memory of their existence. Ianto was trying to delete those memories, but in his act of claiming me, the mental wall holding back the past crumbled until all he could do was meet his past the only way he knew how… by choosing his torturer and method of torture himself.

Me.

By trying to accept the past and change his future he has unleashed his own private hell back on himself. By fucking himself on my cock he has reopened the history books and tried to change what was written within.

Christ knows I have done that myself many times, but the end result is always the same. History is already written, the past has already happened. The future is just that, the future, it is only the present that we may alter. The only thing fearful about the past is not being able to face it.

As if my thinking of his father and how he treated Ianto has somehow imposed those images into his mind, he shifts against me, trying to dig himself deeper into me as he fights wakefulness and the knowledge we both now share.

"J'ck?"

"Shhh" I murmur, running my fingers through his hair. "Try get some more sleep."

Futile suggestion, I know, but I am unable to come up with anything better… even that is not the complete truth either I suppose. I need some more time to come to terms with what has happened to him, I need time to understand exactly how he has survived this long hating himself for something he had no control over.

And that is the core of the matter, Ianto craves acceptance because he can't accept himself and his perceived weakness against a monster that had all the control. He can love anyone except himself and it is that self loathing which has recoiled so strongly now he is facing the truth of the past.

"Don't want to sleep Jack, it hurts too much to dream" his voice is but a shadow of his normal one. Three hours of incessant talking combined with gut wrenching sobs have taken their toll and he can barely raise a whisper now.

His eyes, now fully open, are empty, no pain, no anything, just a blankness devoid of spirit or hope. I don't know what more I can do, his mind has gone into shock and he is barely functioning on a basic level, an automaton, no longer human in his own mind.

Ianto's weight lying on me exacerbates the need to go to the bathroom, but his arms are still gripping me tightly, not letting me move at all each time I move his grip tightens and his breathing becomes shallow. It is no use, I have to go.

"Ianto… babe, I have to go to the bathroom." I am getting desperate here, but he just keeps clinging to me, I don't have a choice here. Gently reaching for his hands, I try prising them from my shoulder, nothing, I just can't budge them.

"Babe, either let me go, or do you have a penchant for golden showers?" I hoped that a little humour might get him to loosen up, but all I see is his face blanching and his slight recoil. Swinging my legs off the bed I manage to drag Ianto into an upright position.

"Jack?"

"I've got to go to the bathroom and you can freshen up a bit, c'mon." I have to get him moving, this apathy is unnerving me. Finally shifting my body weight forward I get Ianto to move to the edge of the bed.

"Please Ianto, I have to go."

"Alright…alright" is the listless reply.

Damn, he is already shutting down again, thinking I want to leave him.

"C'mon babe, I'll go to the toilet and then run us a bath, we can soak in the tub for a while." Ahh, that gets his attention.

"Together?" The fear that I will say no implicit in that question almost makes me wish The Doctor was here so I could do a little pre-emptive strike on the fucker that caused it all to start with… still not a bad idea, better file that one away for future reference.

The harsh light in the bathroom really places everything into perspective, Ianto looks as if his very soul has been sucked out of him, red rimmed eyes and tear tracks coursing down both cheeks. But the one thing that stands out the most is the vacant stare looking right through me, looking so far inward and seeing things that only he can see. At this moment, Ianto Jones no longer exists and in his place is just a empty husk.

Washing my hands at the sink I glance up into the mirror and catch this look of absolute hatred and contempt for himself before he schools his features back to blankness. Catching my eyes in the mirror he knows he's been caught and that I wont buy the playing possum routine any more.

I held him, I cried with him, Christ I cried for him and us. I hated and I loved all for him… all for us, but now… now comes the really hard part.

"Babe, I know my timing may suck here, but we do have to talk about this… I mean, you didn't just decide today would be a good time to ride my cock and have a grand mal mental breakdown."

My fear for him has roughened my voice and I know I sound harsh, but I can't help it, what the fuck do you do when faced with something like this. Besides, what's the old saying, 'don't kid a kidder'? Well, I may not have been in the same situation, but I have used the same defence mechanisms, fuck, I should own the patent and the copyright's on those defences.

I've used those same coping skills for so long now, that they are instinctual, hell they're pretty much the way I've survived for the past several decades. I may not know how he's feeling, but I do know why he's feeling it the way he is. Damn, we are more similar than I ever thought.

He lost his mother at a young lad, the only other person in his life, beat, raped and tortured him on a routine basis. No wonder he is terrified to lose someone else he loves, the cycle would then repeat as far as he is concerned.

I know I said earlier that it amazes me how Ianto turned out to be so loving after everything he's been through… maybe, just maybe I can use that same defence mechanism in reverse. Reverse our positions where it is I that is terrified of losing the loved one. Hopefully his love for me is strong enough to pull him out of this self imposed exile idea he has going.

He can't push me away, not for anything, but being as possessive as he is, maybe he won't let me go either. Fuck, no matter what I know it is only a stop gap measure until we sort out what we are going to do.

I know Ianto is a private man and the thought that he would have to speak to a 'counsellor' would leave him cold. Hell, the thought leaves me cold as well.

What I know about psychiatry could be written on the back of a pole dancers g-string and still leave plenty of room for the washing instructions and the makers tag. But if we tried talking to each other, then maybe he will be able to handle things again… maybe I could start to handle things again.

* * *

Chapter 10

Dawn breaks the evenings dark and I still haven't gotten to sleep. It has been eight and a half hours since the apocalypse and yet Abbadon still stalks the night.

He is only visible to those who know heart ache, to those who know pain and to those who know betrayal. I have experienced all three of these but never as strongly as I have tonight.

Ianto's grief and the remembered pain and betrayal of his past stalks through his house as Abbadon and here I stand as witness to the end…

Our legs are intertwined, his head on my chest and his arms around my neck and yet I have never felt such a distance between us. His body may be here, but his soul has gone somewhere so as to not feel pain anymore.

The dawn light filters through the drapes, throwing his features into stark contrast.

'How apt' I mutter to myself as the planes of his body are gilded and darkened by the light. Watching the light move over his body as the sun rises higher I notice that the one place the light does not shine across is his heart. That lays in darkness perpetual.

Stirring against me, I watch as he fights the need to waken, desperately trying to remain in the relative safety of sleep… it is no use though, whether by sleep or by wakefulness this is still there, between us and by my knowing this I can already see the future spread out in front of me.

He will shut down emotionally; he will revert back to 'buttoned down, uptight' Ianto. He will leave me behind, not intentionally mind you, but he will anyway. For where he goes, I can not follow, I can only be there to bring him back… when and if he wishes.

I feel his tired gaze upon me, but I can't meet his eyes. Quietly he disengages his legs and arms from around me and sits up slowly.

"Morning Sir, would you like a coffee?"

I cringe at the honorific, aware of how quickly he is pulling away from me and yet I do nothing to impede his retreat, if anything I hasten it...

"No coffee this morning Ianto, I can't stomach it at the moment."

Watching Ianto stiffen up like I have slapped him, and to be honest my thoughtless words have done that, I know, god I know.

Reaching out to cup his face, he pulls back from me with a cold disdain.

"Well then Sir, might I suggest you have a shower and go back to the Hub. I am sure there are more important things to do there anyway."

Christ, his words flay the skin from my bones and an ice chill settles in my heart at his dismissal.

"Iant… Babe, pleas," my stuttering entreaty is cut off by the sudden shove to my shoulders, almost pushing me out of the bed.

"I believe Sir, I requested you leave, or would you prefer it in simpler terms?"

Fuck, that blast of artic ice lets me know I have been dismissed. I know I should be more understanding, but what does he expect from me, I've had no sleep, the grand daddy of all horror stories thrown at me and I haven't had enough time to assimilate everything yet. I can't help my retort, it is out of my mouth before I think.

"Fine Ianto, I will see you in the Hub at nine am, you were right, there are quite a few things more important to do at the moment. I will see myself out… oh by the way, thanks for the shag."

Reaching behind him, Ianto latches onto the bedside lamp and with one hard yank has ripped it out of the socket and flung it at my head. Barely ducking in time I hear the lamp smash against the wall behind me and am covered in shards of pottery from the impact.

Before me, Ianto is frozen in disbelief and I take one more chance. Moving towards him I reach out and cup his face gently.

"I am sorry Ianto, I know words mean nothing, but I am sorry… Please, don't push me away. I need you whole here with me."

Leaning down I lay a chaste kiss upon his brow, "Carriad," I all but whisper to him.

Looking at his anguished face, his eyes red rimmed trying not to let the tears fall. I wrap my arms around him and hold him tightly to my chest.

Finally the tears flow as his sobs grow louder and more desperate.

"Why, Jack, why me, why did it have to happen to me, I was a good boy." It is all I can do not to cry along with him as his adult mind tries to comprehend the horror of its past.

I can't answer him, there is no answer I could give, I don't think there really is one…

The day is already hard enough for us both without the well meaning interference from the others.  
Take Tosh for example, all she knew was we went home last night to pretty much shag our brains out and now we haven't been seen. Now most people would take that to mean that we were still either a) asleep or b) still shagging, but Tosh no, after we hadn't called in or appeared at the Hub, she took it upon herself to investigate…

It was about eleven in the morning and I am still attached to Ianto like a limpet when we hear keys in the front door.

"Ianto, Jack, where are you guys? Still not doing whatever you guys were doing last night I hope?"

Panic stricken, I look up at Ianto who has the same look of sheer dread on his face as on mine. Holding me tightly, Ianto just shakes his head and tucks it back into my shoulder, he just doesn't want to know. Christ, I don't want to know, but we don't have a choice as Tosh walks into the kitchen to find us there burrowed into each other.

"Uhh, guys, I did knock, but there was no answer." Silence meets her question as Ianto begins to shiver uncontrollably against me.

"Jack, what's going on, you didn't go in nor did you call, but here you two are sitting here as if nothing was wrong?"

Oh fuck, she had to word it like that, didn't she?

A guttural moan from Ianto finally alerts her that all is not well in Jack and Ianto land.

"What's the matter with Ianto, is he sick, should I call Owen?"

At that, Ianto moans out loud, "No, nothing Tosh don't call Owen, just go, please." He's practically begging her, but as usual Tosh can't take the hint.

"If your sick Ianto, Owen is the best one to call," she pleads.

As Ianto gets more distressed I have to answer her.

"No Tosh, just let the others know we won't be in for a couple of days." Judging by the look on her face, Tosh is not convinced that this is a good idea.

"Uh, no questions, it is not for me to say anything. Ianto will tell you all when he is ready, just go and keep the other away from us for a few days. I don't care what you tell them, tell them we are fucking like minks or whatever, JUST GO!"

I can't help it, I know she means well, but her questions and the fact she won't leave is making Ianto worse than before. In the end I know I am not that nice about it, actually, I pretty much yelled at her to get the fuck out.

Looking at me dumbfounded, Tosh realises finally that something is not right.

"Please go Tosh, we'll try explaining later on, but for now, just please go." I'm almost as spent as Ianto by now and my hold on my emotions is almost non-existent. Feeling a tear roll down my cheek I beg her once more, "Please, just keep everyone away for a few days." And I lose the battle to keep control as I pull Ianto back tighter to me and let the tears flow.

Neither of us hears the door close as she leaves and by then neither of us cared. We'll deal with them later, now we have to deal with us.

* * *

Chapter 11

His shivering never falters for the first hour, my legs lost all sensation half an hour ago and there is still no response from Ianto, at least not one that is consciously directed. I am going to lose him if this keeps up.

My eyes follow the progress of the minute hand, one hour, two hours then three. His shivering stopped about and hour and a half ago. He's shutting down on me.

Sitting there, Ianto curled into a foetal ball on my lap, just sitting there, neither of us has the energy to move let alone get up from the chair, so here we stay. Tosh's visit has brought it home to us both, Ianto has to come to terms with this… one way or the other.

I've tried the nurturing, supportive approach and all it has achieved is more tears and heart break for us both. I am loathe to try the tough love tactic just yet, but if he can't begin to snap out of this fugue soon, I may be left with no choice in the matter.

Four hours have passed since Tosh called in and yet nothing from Ianto at all, this fugue state he is in has resisted everything I can throw at him.

"Ianto, Yan babe, come on, I've got to move, my legs have fallen asleep here and you weigh a tonne."

Nothing, no response, not even a blink. There's no help for it. Gripping the table top I make to lift off the chair which has been our home for the past 4 hours.

"Sorry Ianto, this is going to hurt you more than me" I mutter almost as an aside as the muscles in my legs begin to obey the command to stand up.

In the end it makes no difference as Ianto is unceremoniously dumped from my lap onto the cold tiles of the kitchen floor. Like watching in slow motion I see his body tumble to the floor and feel the sickening thud as his head makes contact with the ceramic tiles. The only saving grace is the grunt that is expelled from him as he first hits.

Time begins to move forward at its accustomed pace again as his harsh breathing and pained "Jack" tell me that he is, at least for the moment, back with us in one shape or form again.

Gazing blearily back up at me, Ianto's eyes finally clear enough for me to know that he is, physically at least, ok. What I don't expect is his rasping voice.

"He hurt me Jack, my own father, he beat me, humiliated me… he raped me…"

A look of remembered pain shoots across his face at the last, closing himself off for a second, as his eyes reopen and his breathing settles back into its normal rhythm, he speaks again, this time in a slightly stronger voice.

"I can't forgive him, what he did was unforgivable, but I need to try let it go Jack. I can't be the person I was then and I won't be the person I am now either. I love you Jack, but I can't be with you anymore, at least until I have made sense of it all."

His words eviscerate me, he couldn't have done a better job gutting me if he held the scalpel himself and vivisected me.

"But Yan, I need you here with me, you just can't cut me out of this the same way you want to do with your father."

I can feel the adrenalin surge as fear shoots through me, fear for Ianto, but more for me.

"You just can't shut me away as if he and I were the same. For Christ's sake, I fucking well spent the last couple of days doing everything I could just to keep it together for you, when all I wanted to do is scream and cry, hurt your father like he hurt you. You have no right to shut me out know Ianto Jones, you owe me."

And dammit, the tears are at it again, slowly rolling down my face, I just can't handle it any more.

"So Ianto, when the going gets tough, you get going heh? I never knew you were such a loser, I mean, fuck, everyone has shit in their life that has happened at one point or another, but does that mean we all fuck off the moment it becomes too real for us to handle?"

"Well, does it?"

Silence greets my words, even as impassioned as they are, they are still not enough.

Well fuck you Ianto Jones, time for the coup d'etat .

"You think you can just fuck off away to lick your wounds, well listen here carriad, you want to go away, fine, but you'll be doing it the retconned way, you go, you stay away."

And please, please let this work, I don't have the strength to do this twice, my heart is breaking here, but if it means that he stays and we work together, then maybe… maybe.

Looking down at him, his head turned away in anguish, silent sobs wracking his body as he fights for control. He slowly looks up into my eyes as I harden my expression to granite. This is it, the last shot, if this fails all I have left is abject begging and grovelling. I can't lose him now. I need him.

Shock gives way to fear which in turn morphs to grief, his eyes have always been the way to read Ianto Jones, I just hope to Christ that I have read him rightly this time.

"You'd retcon me?" His eyes are wide and unbelieving.

"You're giving me no choice Ianto, you know the rules as well as I do. If you push me to it, I will."

He will never know what it is costing me, this impassive tone, the blasé front, the indifferent manner, 'cos inside I'm anything but indifferent.

"I… I thought I was giving you an out Jack, but I still mean what I said, we can't continue this way. There is all too much going on inside my head for me to handle as well as dealing with such an intense relationship with you at the same time."

His words, haltingly at first, gather strength and momentum and I finally realise that even after everything he's gone through, he's still thinking of me and how I fit into his life.

Slowly I let the impassive mask drop and let him see me for who I am and what we are together.

"Yan, no matter how you look at it, we have always interacted in extremis, regardless of it being adversarial, in camaraderie or sexually. How about, just for once, we be Jack and Ianto, no games or hidden agendas, no 'scenes' or yes sir no sir. Do you think we could do that?"

Peasepleaseplease, it is the only thought going through my head, this is it, all or nothing. Ianto will either decide to stay or he will leave. I don't have any more aces up my sleeve, not more hands to deal, this is it.

"Jack… I do need you, I'd be lying if I said otherwise, but can you handle a simple relationship, back to square one?"

His words open the flood gates once more as I feel the burning of fresh tears course down my cheeks.

"Ianto Jones, I can, I will and I do."

The irony makes me chuckle a little, maybe it is hysteria, but I still feel a little better than I did last night.

"I'll have to see someone professionally Jack, I can't do this on my own, even with you, this needs someone outside the dynamic, otherwise this will never work."

I have to admit that he is thinking more forward than I gave him credit for, only 15 minutes prior, he was catatonic on my lap, now he is thinking positively and ahead. I can only hope that this is just not another one of Ianto's façades, another mask he puts on to those around him.

Gathering him into my arms, I am met with a slight resistance, hopefully he is telling me the truth and he is not ready yet for a full relationship. If it was a mask, he would have come to me willingly.

I trust Ianto Jones with my life, my heart and my soul, but do I trust him with his?


End file.
